These are turbulent, or more so, difficult, days for me. When trying to juggle it all because, well, let's face it, may as well be a single parent, I find solace in a new entity. While knowing that the situation is difficult, there are needs on both sides. I know that for myself, the offerings are an escape from what has been a way of life for me for years. It's strange how a person becomes accustomed to short-comings as "how it is". Why, when we want or expect more out of our life long commitment (that we swore to honor, protect, etc, etc.) is it greeted with so much hostility? I'll never understand that, maybe not meant to. That is one reason why we will never work out.
Anyway, the presence of the newcomer is beyond exciting. When you see a person that you want to talk to, have commonalities with, and it all has to be done on a quiet basis, it's a hard feeling. But I am sacrificing the "openess & talking" for something that's been lacking. However, when not expecting anything to happen, and it does, it's confusing as well as pleasant. It seems to be happening by itself. For reasons that I am unaware of at this time, because so much of this entity is mysterious, the entity gravitates toward me in a way that I wanted but was afraid to actually pursue. I am still content to see what the day brings, in one form or another. Keeps it interesting.
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