Mistakes

So how do you control who and what you feel and for which people? It's a a loaded question, I think. Are you supposed to control that feeling? I thnk that feeling in and of itself is noteworthy. So many people these days do not care for the person they chose, or maybe the other person chose them and they go along with it for year upon year, just getting comfortable. As has been my case for the past decade. It seems that the person I fell in lovewith has changed, as haveI as a result of the person he morphed into. It scares me to death to know that this person i spent 10 YEARS with could be so unfeeling. It also scares me even more because of the children we have together. Must they learn this same pattern of behavior? I hope to God not. I am feeling harsh these days toward myself as I have watched this escalate for too long, allowed it to grow. If I don't change things, who? My kids? My father? Mother? No. Living someone else's life because of what they want for you or the kids is never the right thing to do. But going back to the original question, are we supposed to control that? This experience of wanting another person while knowing it is barely scratching the surface of filling a chasm so deep, it could possibly not be filled due to the emptiness. But as is human nature, humans have needs. Why could I not keep it simple, uncomplicated, and straight forward? Because I've not had the experience in this? Why could I not lie to my heart that thinks it actually cares for this newcomer. In the lyrics of one of my favorites, Kings of Leon, "if it's just tonight, well it's still the greatest, the greatest". I made the decision to tell you that it was more than physical and I think I got my answer. It was fun while it lasted.